I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im holly from the hills drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize