i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
