I cannot find my penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
