the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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