you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
