ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize