Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
