so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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