I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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