The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
