you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
