tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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