you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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