How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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