woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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