I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
