since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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