Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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