She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize