My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
