After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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