I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
