No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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