Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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