You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you win again, gameday.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
