If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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