Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
