Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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