Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
