i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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