I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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