college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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