I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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