So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
