I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
