he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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