I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
