Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dear god my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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