I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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