So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
