Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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