Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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