Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize