What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
