I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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