You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
