is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
