I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
