your parents love me but you hate me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
