dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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