My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
