A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
