shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
