Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry about my life...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
