Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
