It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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