Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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