That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
