pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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