I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
