This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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