Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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