went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
