I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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