Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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