I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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