It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
