our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
