you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
