I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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