I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
