I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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