She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
