Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
