Just fell off a train. Bad.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
