I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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