genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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