it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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