It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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