o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
