It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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