you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
