Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize