I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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