My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
