I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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