He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
