why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
