Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
