she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This can only be settled by a dance off.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
