dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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