Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
