Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Acid is not a monday night drug
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
