it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
