Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
