ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
