i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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