i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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