whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
