he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
