Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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