took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
