Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize