is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
