He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize