Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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