so that wasnt chicken after all
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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