I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
