Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
