STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
