eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
