Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
