i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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