ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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