A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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