The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
