is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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