I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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