I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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