hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
