I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
