the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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