I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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