I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he was CRYING into my vagina
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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