Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
