he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
