My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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