How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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