Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
